One of the world’s foremost Relationship experts, John Gottman, PhD., has revolutionised the study of marriage by using rigorous scientific procedures to observe the habits of married couples in unprecedented detail over many years. His work has culminated in Seven Principles that guide married couples on the path towards a harmonious and long-lasting fulfilled relationship. The Principles are as follows;
- Enhance your Love Maps
- Nurture your fondness and admiration
- Turn towards each other instead of away
- Let your partner influence
- Solve your solvable problems
- Overcome Gridlock
- Create shared meaning
Nurture your fondness and admiration
Remember all the things you found really attractive and appealing when you first met? Talk to each other about it. Get in touch with those old loving feelings. Tell each other all the things you think are admirable. Everyday give each other some expression of appreciation.
Turn towards each other, not away
It helps couples to remain connected if they do things together. This doesn’t mean they have to be joined at the hip, but rather that they are in the habit of and enjoy being around each other involved in joint activities.
Let your partner influence you
If he is good at DIY and practical things and she is good with how things look, happily married couples notice and take on board their partners ideas and perspective.
Solve your solvable problems
Gottman found that most marital problems fell into two categories, Solvable and Perpetual. The secret with successful couples were that they knew how to use damage control. Solvable problems are around, stress, in-laws, money, sex and children. Perpetual problems are around one party wanting to have children and the other not.
Couples often become grid-locked trying to solve perpetual problems. The goal in ending gridlock is not to solve the problem, but rather to move from grid-lock to dialogue. Gridlock means that you have dreams for your life that are not being addressed or respected by the other. Happy couples realise that helping each other achieve their Dreams is one of the main goals of marriage.
Create shared meaning
Marriage isn’t just about splitting chores, raising kids and making love. Happy couples find a way of honouring each others dreams even if they don’t share them. Together they create an atmosphere where they both can talk about their convictions without censoring them.
Incorporating these seven principles can change the course of your marriage… the… you have to build on them!