Grace Chatting

At long last! The Relationship academy will officially launch on 1 June 2012.

http://relationshipacademy.co.uk

The Story So Far

I first got the idea of a Relationship Academy back in the 1990s when I saw quite a number of divorced and separated couples for Family Mediation, as they divided up their property and assets. Often this would be accompanied by a great deal of hostility amongst the parties concerned; but by far the most difficult ones for me were those where it was obvious that they still cared for each other.

I thought it so sad that here was a family which had split up when perhaps with the right intervention they may have been able to restore their relationship or marriage. Many of them had gone to seek couple counselling with various agencies but without success. I wasn’t sure what the answer was myself, because I wasn’t having as much success as I would have wished for with couples whom I saw for counselling.

Breakthrough

Alan and I went off to work at our coaching centre in Spain and during that time I offormed a view that perhaps a coaching approach was what would work best with couples. I began to have 3-4 hour Breakthrough sessions with couples  and almost immediately the outcomes were much better, and couples really enjoyed the process. The whole business was so much more positive for all of us. Increasingly I would hear people say “Why don’t they teach this in schools?”  Yeah… why don’t they? I thought.

Why don’t they teach this at school?

We all know that schools were set up to meet the needs of commerce and industry… not people. I seriously considered where DO people learn about relationships? After all we can learn to drive, ski, cook, speak different languages etc., but where do you go to learn about relationships? The obvious answer is, from their parents, but often this is not a good idea. It’s a bit like installing windows 95 on your computer and wondering why it doesn’t work very well. Likewise, even if our parents had a good relationship, we live in an entirely different world now than they did.

Fractured Families

Perhaps one of the biggest reasons that prompted me to start the Relationship Academy is the fact that many adults today (my children amongst them) have grown up in single parent households and that figure is now more than 60% of children are growing up with no role model or first hand experience of an exclusive committed couple relationship. In my view this puts these children at a disadvantage as far as having a successful relationship is concerned. We know that when people feel competent they feel more confident, and when they they feel more confident they become more competent. Somehow we need to find a way to raise people’s competence in relating skills.

My Vision

I considered how these young people and future generations might be able to learn this stuff and decided that the fairly recent advances in technology is the answer… online.What I want to do is to firstly, stem the flow of family breakdown by targeting youngish parents   and secondly, to provide some psycho-education to young people through a series of short experiential webinars. I think that providing low/no cost webinars to schools to access might be a way of reaching a wider audience.

Feedback

I would very much welcome your feedback. It has been a steep learning curve for me because I had difficulty finding techies who really understood what I wanted to do so I set about learning how to set it all up myself from scratch. It is very tempting to keep re-recording my webinars as I improve how I do them but I would never be finished at that rate… so Relationship Academy will launch on 1 June 2012.

Free Webinar Series

This link will take you through to the Free webinar series;Click Here

Love well,

     Grace

written by Grace \\ tags: Divorce, family breakdown, fractured families, marriage, relationshipacademy, Relationships

New relationships always seem so full of potential. But there are no guarantees that it’s destined for success. There are certain things that can provide illumination and enlightenment on whether this will be “the one” - even early in a budding romance.

Not all relationships are created equally. This is just as true for new relationships as it is for relationships that are well established and have weathered many storms. Relationships require attention on the part of both people involved in order to be successful.

Surprisingly, the sweaty palms and erratic heartbeats described in romance novels don’t predict a future of romantic bliss for years to come in most couples. In fact, the opposite is generally true. The romances that ignite the lives of those involved often consume them in the process - burning brightly but all too briefly.

Far too many relationships end as a perceived loss of love and affection - more than the typical reasons for divorce such as money, conflict, and child rearing issues. When it comes to budding and potential relationships, it’s best to not establish an all-consuming romance that’s simply impossible to maintain.

In order to accurately gauge the potential of your relationship for success, you need to be able to view it through an objective lens. You need to take a step back and separate your emotional response to your partner as well as his or her emotional response to you and see if you and your partner are a good match.

Many of the couples whom I see for coaching are so mis-matched. If only they had not been so starry eyed at the beginning they could have saved themselves a lot of heartache.

Don’t get me wrong. I think a certain amount of starry eyed is good as long as you remember to check out if you both share the same values such as Family, Growth, Success, Fitness etc. Do you both have shared aspirations? What kind of lifestyle do you each want to have? Is it the same? Do you both want to have children? Many couples are so caught up in the chemistry that they quickly move in together only to discover later that they really want different things in life.

There are no absolutes when it comes to dealing with the human heart. The heart is what must be thoroughly searched in order to discover whether or not you can really build a successful relationship that will stand the test of time. However, you need to use your head as well!

If you would like some Relationship Coaching contact me on 004417816491165

written by Grace \\ tags: couples, Dating, Relationships, romance;relationship coaching

Things to consider before you get married. Marriage is a sacred thing, and not something that should be taken lightly.

The reason for so many failed marriages is that a lot of people go into them without asking themselves the tough questions and because they weren’t honest with themselves or each other. No one goes into a marriage expecting it to fail.

So before you go walking down that aisle, here are some important questions that you need to ask yourself, and your lover:

1. Your ability to compromise:

Do you know how to compromise? Do you always expect to get what you want? Are you willing to compromise?

1. Money:

Who will handle the money? What should be done with the money? Can you avoid making money matters a stressful issue?

1. Plans (short and long term)

Where are your careers headed? Where do you see yourselves 10 years from now? Where do you see the marriage 15 years from now?

1. Children:

Do you both want them? Are they in your future? Is adoption something you would consider?

1. Religion:

Are you both religious? Do you have conflicting religious beliefs?

1. Communication:

Can you clearly communicate your feelings?

1. Are you ready to get married?

Is it too soon? When is too soon? Are you ready for the responsibility of marriage?

1. Life outside of marriage:

Do you have separate social lives? Do you get along with your lovers friends? Do you have activities outside of the marriage?

1. Employment:

Are you happy in your jobs? Where do you see your careers in five years? If you have children who will stay home to raise them, or will you hire someone?

1. Sex:

Can you spend the rest of your life sleeping with just one person? Are you still sexually attracted to each other? Can you make the heat last?

1. Commitment:

Are you truly committed to this person? Are you committed to make it last? Should you be committed for even considering marriage at this point in your life?

1. Personal space:

Do you have things to do when your better half is busy? Are you completely dependant on your lover to keep you busy? Do you need time to just be alone sometimes?

1. How to keep marriage exciting:

Do you know what it takes to keep things exciting? Are you willing to do what it takes?

1. Family and friends:

Do your friends get along? Can you stand your future in-laws? Do your families get along?

1. Knowing your odds:

Knowing the percentage of failed marriages, are you still willing to go for it?

Marriage should be based on love, commitment, honesty and all the important things in between. Before making your vows, make sure you are willing to keep them for life and understand that you have to work to make it last.

written by Grace \\ tags: marriage, relationship, Relationships

Many of you may be in relationships in which you experience a chronic sense of helplessness and powerlessness, and this can affect your ability to make sound decisions and choices, and so can affect not just your quality of life, but also the very course of your life.

Living life as a dis-empowered person, you often feel like most of your life experiences are out of your control, like you are not living your own life. You allow other people or events to determine what you think, say and do; how you spend your time, and even the general direction your life takes.

But did you know that making the shift from dis-empowerment to empowerment is a simple matter of realizing that few things are truly out of your control when you exercise your right to choose?

Here are three steps for regaining and building your personal power through conscious choice:

1) Realize that you always have choices.

Although you may feel like you’re powerless in certain circumstances, this is most often a perception, not a fact. Even if you’re incapable of physically altering a situation, you at least have the power to choose your outlook, attitude and reaction to the things that happen to you.

More often when you believe you have no choices, you’re really saying that you don’t like the choices you do have. But that’s very different than not having choices at all! When you affirm that you have no options, you contribute to a sense of powerlessness that can cause you to act in destructive ways rather than seeking a more balanced solution.

2) You are not responsible for anyone else’s happiness.

 True empowerment is having the strength to make the decisions that are right for you, even if others don’t always agree with them. There is a difference between working co-operatively with someone and allowing others to influence you unduly.

Most often this is done in an attempt to avoid conflict or disagreement, but it doesn’t serve you in the long run. When it comes right down to it, you are not responsible for keeping anyone happy other than yourself, and you can empower yourself to make the choices that are right for you – regardless of what others may say or think about them.

3) You are in charge of your own happiness.

Just as you are not responsible for others’ happiness, neither are they responsible for yours! Dis-empowerment can often make you believe that you are reliant on the words or actions of others for your sense of happiness and contentment, but this kind of thinking only keeps you stuck in feelings of helplessness.

Instead, use your power of choice to do what will make you happy. These decisions might relate to your work, home, relationships and more – and they may not be easy decisions to follow through on.

However, just knowing that you have to make the choices that are right for you or live forever dissatisfied is usually enough to provide the courage to affect positive change.

Best wishes

Grace

gracechatting@hotmail.com

written by Grace \\ tags: marriage, personal power, relationship, Relationships

Personal power often plays a significant role in the quality of your relationships because of the beliefs and behaviours you express in your interactions with others.

If you’ve ever assumed that a relationship would somehow “complete” you or make you feel strong or whole, you probably experienced disappointment and frustration when in fact it seemed to cause bigger problems in your life.

There are several reasons why personal power is important in relationships:

1) Other people sense the way you feel about yourself and treat you accordingly.

Have you ever noticed that other people seem to pick up on subtle cues and reflect your own beliefs back to you? For example, if you lack confidence, you’ll often find yourself encountering aggressive or intimidating people who seem to exacerbate those feelings. If you don’t have a healthy level of respect for yourself, you’ll probably encounter plenty of people who don’t respect you either.This is no accident!

People tend to sense your inner beliefs based on your demeanour and body language, and gear their behaviour to match.

When you’re empowered and strong, you communicate that essence to others, and others will treat you as such, resulting in healthier relationships.

2) You’ll notice in others the things you dislike about yourself.

Have you ever heard of “projecting” your own perceptions and beliefs onto others? A lack of self-esteem will often cause you to believe that others don’t love you either. A lack of confidence in yourself will attract people that you struggle to place your confidence in also!

When you are empowered and confident, you’ll end up attracting others who both see you that way and embody the same qualities themselves.

3) You’ll constantly look to others for reassurance and validation.

When you don’t feel empowered or confident, you’ll constantly seek reassurance and validation from the people around you. Rather than feeling self-assured, you’ll appear to be needy and insecure, which will place a drain on your relationship and push others away from you.

Remember that empowerment is an inside job! You need to give yourself love, respect and confidence first if you want to also receive it from others.

Fulfilling and satisfying relationships require that both partners are empowered and balanced before entering into them. When you empower yourself from within, you bring a stronger element of genuine love, respect and intimacy to your relationships and stop seeking validation from outside sources. Ultimately, this ensures that your connections with others will be deeper, richer and more meaningful.

Very best wishes

Grace

gracechatting@hotmail.com

written by Grace \\ tags: empowerment, marriage, personal power, relationship, Relationships