Yes, it’s leap year again. In ten days time that window of opportunity when women can ask their man to marry them will come around again. Sounds fairly innocuous, but ladies, think twice!Research carried out by the University of Denver indicates that this may not be such a good idea

.It seems that men who move in with their girlfriend without proposing to them beforehand, are less likely to be committed to any subsequent marriage. Men need to decide to commit to marriage rather than slide into it.

The research shows a difference between men and women insofar as women are generally committed when they move in with their boyfriend whereas men are not committed until they actually make that decision to get married.

Women assume they are both equally committed because they live together, but this is not always so. I have had quite a number of men clients who have been in live in relationships for years and who see it as living with their girlfriends, which is not the same level of commitment they’d feel if she was his wife. They just never made that decision. Women are usually in for the long haul and assume he is too.

It can seem a romantic gesture on a woman’s part to pop the question, but it is probably worth paying attention to the research findings. If you really  want to be married to him, then perhaps it is wiser to simply raise the subject and have an adult to adult conversation about his intentions and both your future plans. 

    Love well,

       Grace

One of the great Relationship Masters, John Gottman and his wife did an extensive study of what made  marriage relationships successful; looking at those couples who stayed together and made their marriages work.

They found that they could predict with 96% accuracy which couples would break up. The looked for patterns that separated the Masters from the Disasters.

The Disasters had these traits in common, they blamed each other and became defensive, and presented themselves as a Victim. They were critical of their partner whilst seeing themselves as superior and talked down to the other in a contemptuous way, or they would Stonewall them, not speaking to them for days at a time..

The Masters on the other hand, took responsibility for their own behaviours

One of the big differences was the Masters had the ability to repair the relationship; to say they were sorry and wanted to make things better. They wanted to maintain friendship with each other, and they were also receptive to the other partners repair attempts.

Gottman called the four most damaging habits, the four horsemen of the apocalypse;

• Criticism
• Contempt
• Defensiveness
• Stonewalling

If any of these are present in your relationship, know that it will not last unless you seriously set about eliminating these behaviours today!

        Grace Chatting

Many relationships founder on the rocks of unhelpful habits John Assaraf (of The Secret fame) explains why it is so difficult to change these habits that get hardwired in our brains.We are genetically conditioned to do this, but we can break these patterns by having the right knowledge and using it in the right order.

John also explains how meditation can help with this process and how it takes up to 90 to completely change these habits, but it can be done!

This is why I urge couples whose marriages may be breaking down, to spend 90 days working with new knowledge and skills which can transform their relationship.

Watch out for the launch of Relationship Academy bringing you all the knowledge and information you need to transform your relationships.

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 Self Confidence

   Grace Chatting

The concept of Love Languages was popularised by writer Gary Chapman in his book, The 5 Love Languages. Geared to promoting relationship harmony and a happy marriage, he talks about the fact that there are 5 main ways that people receive love, and these are;

• Words of affirmation
• Touch
• Gifts
• Acts of service
• Time

As a rule what happens with most couples is that they show love to their partners in the way that they like to be loved, which may not be the way their partner receives love. For example a wife might feel loved if her husband helps her with household chores, and he might feel loved by being touched and caressed. It is likely that he will express his love with kisses and cuddles when she might really wish he would help with a bit of work around the house. She might cook lovely meals for him to show she loves him, but he wants to be touched. Both finish up feeling unloved and unappreciated.

How do you like to be loved? How does your spouse like to be loved? Why not check this out with each other. You may get a surprise

Watch out for more Relationship Mastery Tips!

Grace

As most of you know, I am in the process of setting up the Relationship Academy online… what a learning curve!

I am now building up my data base and would value it if you could subscribe to my mailing list; to do so……

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Many Thanks,

Grace