Jan 13
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grace@relationshipacademy.co.uk
Feb 22
In our roles as Life and Relationship Coaches, for many years now Alan and myself have come across scores of men and women in their mid 30s – 40s who are single and don’t want to be. Mostly they are really attractive fairly successful and eligible people and they are at a stage in life when they want to have a life partner, a home and a family.They just don’t seem to be able to find a suitable partner anywhere.
Many start to feel quite lonely and despairing, especially the women whose biological clock is ticking away. Men also get concerned because they want to still be young enough to be a friend to their teenage offspring. This can be the start of a vicious cycle. These feelings of hopelessness and loneliness tend to be unattractive to potential partners and give out messages of neediness, which is off putting.
There is no doubt that if you find yourself still single after mid 30s, most of your friends have moved on, married and perhaps had children, and you may be out of the loop as far as relationships go.
You may have been in a long term relationship whic
h has ended, and now find yourself newly single. It’s difficult to find networks of people who are necessarily your type. As a young adult you could easily meet potential dates or partners in clubs, bars, nightclubs and parties , or at college or university. As you get older, those avenues are not so available or appropriate. So, what do you do?
Online/Offline Dating
Many people are now meeting online and after kissing a few frogs are fortunate enough to find a prince/ss. Whilst this may be a way of meeting people, there is something of a skill to writing profiles for dating sites, and not everyone can present themselves attractively online.
People, especially women worry that they may not be able to trust people that they meet online, but the same arguments could be raised for meeting someone anywhere. There is always a need to be discerning about who you enter into a relationship with no matter where you meet them. Often (but not always) the most reliable prospects are people who are introduced to you by someone you know.
The Good News
I have organised a day which I am calling Making New Connections Cafe http://makingnewconnections.eventbrite.com for many of these folk to be able to meet each other. The day will be in the World Cafe style http://www.theworldcafe.com. These days are relaxed and great fun, and consist of breaking down into small groups of people having interesting and stimulating conversations around a number of small tables, which they move around, so everyone has a chance to meet everyone else.
I shall pose questions for each conversation to focus on, so people won’t be wondering what to talk about. This kind of gathering helps those who have been single for some time to get right into conversations with lots of new people and to get comfortable with that. It is a way of getting out of your comfort zone… comfortably!
Invitation
It seems to me that most single people go about pretending they aren’t really bothered about being single, when they are. They put up a front. This is not helpful, it sends mixed messages.
I invite you all now, to come out of the closet and come along to my Making New Connections day http://makingnewconnections.eventbrite.com and allow me to introduce you to lots of new and interesting people and share a buffet lunch with us all.
If you really want to push the boat out, why not come along to the 2 day Singles Workshop in the west of Ireland http://www.burrenlifebalance.com/
Grace Chatting, located in Plymouth, UK, is a Transformation and Relationship coach, writer, and workshop facilitator. She is also a Family Mediator and Psychotherapist. Her passion is empowerment arising from personal growth, integrity and authenticity.
Grace can be found on her blog www.gracechatting.com; http://twitter.com@GraceChatting/
http://www.linkedin.com/in/GraceChatting http://facebook.com/GraceChatting
Email grace@gracechatting.com
Grace can be reached on (44) 07816491165 if you wish to arrange a consultation
May 24
For many years I worked as a Family Mediator with couples in dispute and also engaged in “Couple Counselling” with couples whose relationships were in difficulty. Of course by the time they got to me, most of them were almost ready for the Divorce Courts. I felt strongly that all couples could improve their relationship with professional help, and owed it to themselves to do what they could to avoid divorce.
The levels of tension which accompanied these couples multiplied when we would try to arrange our weekly appointments. Sorting out a time which suited both parties, me and often a babysitter, could become tricky, and often weeks would pass between sessions. Just trying to get to the sessions was an added stressor.
Although I was extremely committed to the work, I didn’t enjoy it, and neither did the clients. Sessions were an hour long, but it would take at least 10 minutes to settle them down to a state of receptivity, and then we would need to wind up 10 minutes before the end of the hour, so that they would not unravel all the good work by having a row. This just did not seem like a good use of time to me, and I seriously considered not working with this client group.
Everything changed when I began working at Anam Cara Coaching Retreat in Spain. A big percentage of our clients were successful in most areas of life except in their relationships. The residential coaching weeks allowed plenty of time to work with people in depth while they were relaxed and allowed significant relationship changes.
I decided to use this Coaching approach back in the UK. Instead of couples having 4 or 6 weekly sessions, I now see them for blocks of 4 or 6 hours at a time. There is no extra expense, but actually better value for money. It means they have time to relax and really make good use of the time. I enjoy the work, and so do they when they see the changes that begin to happen right there in the session.
They have a safe space and time to:
- Learn and practice new communication and listening skills
- Discover how to recognise and meet each others relationship needs
- Finish up understanding each others point of view
- Acquire tools to help with managing their day to day interactions more harmoniously
Relationship Intensives:
- Can turn a relationship around in a day!
- are for individual Couples who wish to pull their relationship back from the edge, or Revitalise their relationship.
- last 4 or 6 hours by arrangement, and focus on how to optimise the relationship as opposed to focusing on problems.
- can be held at the couples own home.
- Usually they are on Saturday to avoid clashing with work commitments.
- Couples learn how to address challenging areas of their relationship in positive intimacy enhancing and interesting ways.
- are reported to be a really enjoyable experience.
Relationship Intensives save having to have weekly sessions and are particularly helpful for those needing to arrange child care.
For any further details email me gracechatting@hotmail.com or call me 07816491165
May 24
This is The Anam
Cara Coaching Centre, set in the fabulous Andalucian countryside.
It was a dream of mine to have a Centre where people who needed to take stock of their lives could retreat to a place of tranquility; where they could completely de-stress, with fabulous views, great food, and a customised mix of therapy and coaching.
Anam Cara is Gaelic for “Soul Friend”, someone who accompanies you on part of your life’s journey
Check out the web site:
May 04
Thanks to all those of you who have made enquiries about my two day
Introduction to Relationship Coaching Course
Venue: THE INNKEEPERS LODGE, Plymouth Devon
Dates: 28 & 29 June 2008
Time: 9.30am - 5pm
Cost: £200 (Early Bird £175, before end of May)
Who is it for? Counsellors, Coaches and Social Workers and anyone else wishing to learn how to optimise their relationships. Singles, Couples, recently divorced or bereaved. All are welcome.
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