As a Relationship Coach I  see many people who are seeking to find a partner in the hope that it will make them happy. What I want them to understand is that, to find happiness, they need to build a good relationship with themselves first; love and esteem themselves; then they will naturally attract   a partner without having to try  too hard.

Here is a poem written by the great Virginia Satir. If you want to build your self-esteem, I suggest you read it every

                                       I AM ME

                                 by Virginia Satir

In all the world, there is no one else exactly like me
Everything that comes out of me is authentically me
Because I alone chose it - I own everything about me
My body, my feelings, my mouth, my voice, all my actions,
Whether they be to others or to myself - I own my fantasies,
My dreams, my hopes, my fears - I own all my triumphs and
Successes, all my failures and mistakes Because I own all of
Me, I can become intimately acquainted with me - by so doing
I can love me and be friendly with me in all my parts - I know
There are aspects about myself that puzzle me, and other
Aspects that I do not know - but as long as I am
Friendly and loving to myself, I can courageously
And hopefully look for solutions to the puzzles
And for ways to find out more about me - However I
Look and sound, whatever I say and do, and whatever
I think and feel at a given moment in time is authentically
Me - If later some parts of how I looked, sounded, thought
And felt turn out to be unfitting, I can discard that which is
Unfitting, keep the rest, and invent something new for that
Which I discarded - I can see, hear, feel, think, say, and do
I have the tools to survive, to be close to others, to be
Productive to make sense and order out of the world of
People and things outside of me - I own me, and
therefore I can engineer me - I am me and 
I AM OKAY

© Virginia Satir, 1975.
Found in Virginia Satir, Self Esteem, Celestial Arts: California, 1975.

Grace Chatting, located in Plymouth, UK, is a Transformation and Relationship coach, writer, and workshop facilitator.  She is also a Family Mediator and Psychotherapist.  Her passion is empowerment arising from personal growth, integrity and authenticity.

Grace can be found on her blog www.gracechatting.com; http://twitter.com/GraceChatting/ http://www.linkedin.com/in/GraceChatting http://facebook.com/GraceChatting

Grace can be reached on (44) 07816491165 if you wish you arrange a consultation

written by Grace \\ tags: relationship; happiness; Virginia Satir; Grace Chatting;; I am me; self-esteem

By Grace Chatting

My recent posts on how the Law of Attraction affects relationships has covered a lot of information, but I hope it has helped you see much more clearly how to attract that special someone into your life.

Now I want to explore the concept of living FROM the reality you want to attract. In this case living from the reality of already having your perfect partner in your life. 

One powerful way to work with the Law of Attraction is consciously being the person who has what you want. We’ve already discussed doing this on a physical level by being the person your perfect partner would want to be with, and engaging in the activities that your perfect partner would also be likely to engage in.

I am referring more to your mental and emotional state as you go about your daily activities. Are you thinking, feeling and acting like a person who already has their perfect partnership?

Or are you constantly focusing on how lonely and isolated you feel? Do you gaze jealously at other couples, wondering impatiently where your partner is? Do you feel sorry for yourself when you hear love songs on the radio or watch a romantic movie?

 All of these things are sure to keep you living from the perspective of NOT having the relationship you desire! If you turn this around, you are much more likely to attract what you want.

Creating The Conditions

• Create a network of friends and a full life for yourself .
• Be sociable and hospitable. Start a book club or cinema circle.
• Invite people to your home regularly. Not to moan or chit chat, but to engage in growth enhancing conversations.
• Beginning immediately, give your best effort to thinking, feeling and acting like a person who is involved in a loving, committed relationship. How would you look, walk and behave? Try it.
• Conjure up the feeling of being loved, cherished, happy, and secure. If you can’t, see a therapist.
• Be happy for other couples when you see them because you know the joy of feeling connected and intimate with a significant other.
• When you watch romantic movies or hear love songs on the radio, let your heart lift with joy and gratitude for the way they inspire you.
• Affirm as often as possible that your perfect partner is already here and will enter your life at the perfect time. Feel grateful and happy about it because you KNOW it’s true!

What You Can Do

That’s as far as your thoughts and emotions are concerned, but living from your perfect partnership also involves taking the actions that you would take if you were already involved.

Would you eat in nice restaurants? Would you take long, leisurely walks on the beach? Would you go out dancing or cycling?

Whatever activities you picture yourself doing with a lover, begin doing them yourself! If it makes you too uncomfortable to do them alone, ask a friend or family member to join you.

The more time you spend living FROM the perspective of your new reality, the more quickly and easily your current reality will shift to include the things you really want.

Attracting your perfect partner is no different than attracting anything else you want. Simply get clear about what you want, make room for it, and focus your thoughts, feelings, beliefs and activities in such a way that pulls it right into your life.

If you are interested in attending a workshop or residential week or weekend course on Relationships, in the UK or in Spain please contact me.

         Be Happy

              Grace

http://Twitter.com/GraceChatting

www.thebarefoottherapist.com

written by Grace \\ tags: Grace Chatting;Law of Attraction;Relationships;Limiting beliefs

By Grace Chatting

In my last post I discussed the Law of Attraction and the importance of being whole and happy   yourself, before your perfect partner shows up, rather than relying on another person to make you feel complete. If you have taken that on board, that’s a powerful start, but there are also other things you can do to boost the likelihood of attracting the type of partner you want.

Characteristics of your ideal partner

When I am coaching reluctant singles, I encourage them to make a detailed list of the qualities and traits they’d like their perfect partner to have. You will see how it is useful if you do the same.

What do you imagine he or she will look like? What type of personality will he or she have? What aspirations or ambitions for the future will he or she have? What values do they hold, and what field of work are they likely to be in?

Use as much detail as you can, covering everything from career to personality, spiritual beliefs, values, lifestyle, physical appearance and beyond.

When you’ve finished, read over the list. Did you include everything you want your perfect partner to have? How about how they are with money, and habits such as drinking or smoking? What about how they like to spend time?

How do you fit?

Now comes the fun part. Go back over that list and check off any of the traits and descriptions that fit YOU.

Do you have the same type of spiritual beliefs you want your partner to have? Do you have the same type of personality? Do you have the same level of goals and ambitions in life?

Don’t worry if you don’t have ALL the traits – that’s not the point of this exercise. Instead, notice how many you do have, compared to how many you don’t. Then ask yourself this question:

Would I be the perfect partner for this person I want to attract?

Obviously, you and your partner are two separate people, so there will be differences in your personalities and goals. But if the differences are too great, what makes you think your perfect partner would be attracted to someone they have almost nothing in common with?

If the traits and qualities on your list are important to you, you need to start developing them within yourself first!

Then when your perfect partner arrives on the scene, he or she will quickly recognize a kindred soul – and sparks are much more likely to fly. There are other factors involved, of course. But BEING the perfect partner for your perfect partner is a very big part of it.

In my next post I will get into the nitty-gritty of actually attracting your perfect partner, so be sure to be ready by creating the profile of your perfect partner and then see what you need to change.

If you are interested in attending a workshop or residential week or weekend course on Relationships, in the UK or in Spain please contact me.

                     Grace

http://Twitter.com/GraceChatting

www.thebarefoottherapist.co.uk

written by Grace \\ tags: Grace Chatting;Love and Marriage;Relationships;Singles;Ideal partner;Soul Mate;Law of Attraction;

By Grace Chatting

 I hope you have been having some insights about how the law of attraction affects your relationships with others (or the lack of relationships you thought you wanted)?

Perhaps you’re beginning to see how your own thoughts, feelings and beliefs have attracted certain kinds of people into your life – and distanced other kinds of people.

Importance of a good relationship with yourself

More importantly, you now understand how powerful and significant your relationship with yourself is when it comes to the treatment you receive from others.

If I had a penny for every person who expected a romantic relationship to make them happy and whole, I’d be a millionaire! Logically, you probably realise that no one else can make you “whole,” because you are already whole.

Yet, if you still haven’t found your “soul mate,” you may feel empty somehow, like something is missing. That sense of emptiness is what usually causes people to search for the love of their life, the missing connection that will finally make them feel “whole.” You’ve heard the expression, “two halves of a whole,”?

That is a complete myth. Pardon my bluntness. I blame the movies and fairytales for encouraging people to believe that we have to be locked in a passionate embrace to feel like our lives are complete.

You do not need a relationship to be whole

Don’t get me wrong, I think romance is wonderful! Love and passion are great, and  certainly can enhance your happiness. But you do NOT need a passionate love affair in order to feel like your life is joyful, meaningful and happy, although I understand how you might feel that way.

I lived on my own for 10 years after my first marriage ended in divorce. For a few years I felt sad and lonely, wishing I had someone to care for me. Then I started to become friends with myself, to love myself, to care for myself.  I truly arrived at a stage of being quite happy with me.

I no longer believed I needed a relationship to be happy, I was already happy, and then I met Alan. He had gone through a similar process, so we were two happy and whole people ready to share our lives with each other. NOT expecting that the other was going to make us happy. We were already happy and whole.

The power of limiting beliefs

Do you know what really causes that feeling of incompleteness you sometimes feel? It’s your perception and belief that you must be involved in a relationship to feel complete. That is so not true.

If you persist in believing that you won’t be whole until you are in a relationship with someone, that is your constant state; waiting for someone to make you happy.

The problem with doing this is that you place an awful lot of pressure on any potential partner who enters your life. Even if you don’t say it, they can sense that you are depending on THEM to make you feel whole and happy. That’s not really their job, is it? It’s yours!

In order to attract the love of your life, you need to be whole and happy ALREADY – before they enter the picture.

You attract what you send out

There’s a good reason for this. Whenever you try to bring something into your life with the Law of Attraction, your emotional frequency emits the signal of what you want to the universe. When you feel like you desperately “need” something in order to be happy and whole, you are emitting the reality of “neediness,” which will attract more of the same.

On the other hand, when you emit a frequency of happiness and fulfilment about your life, you attract other whole, happy people – including one that seeks a life partner too.

So, be sure to do whatever you can to fill yourself up from within! Do things you love. Create a life you love, even if Mr. or Ms. Right hasn’t shown up yet. When he/she does, you’ll want to be ready to welcome him/her with open arms!

My next post will be about how you can become the perfect partner.

If you are interested in attending a workshop or residential week or weekend course on Relationships, in the UK or in Spain please contact me.

        Be Happy

http://twitter.com/GraceChatting

www.thebarefoottherapist.co.uk

written by Grace \\ tags: Grace Chatting;Romantic relationships;relationships;Law of attraction;LOA;Happiness

By Grace Chatting

Now that you understand how the Law of Attraction is activated by your thoughts, emotions and beliefs, you may be asking yourself what on earth you must have been thinking to have attracted some of your previous or current relationships.

Remember, it’s usually done by default, so don’t get too down on yourself about it.

Your relationship with others

Believe it or not, ALL of your relationships are simply a reflection of your relationship with yourself. Have you ever noticed a correlation between the way other people treat you and the way you treat yourself?

Think about it for a minute.

If you constantly find yourself surrounded by people who disrespect you or mistreat you, think about how you treat yourself on a regular basis. Are you hard on yourself when you make mistakes? Do you demand a lot from yourself? Do you push yourself harder than you need to, or neglect nurturing and caring for yourself?

If most of the people in your life don’t seem to care about you or don’t seem to really love you, ask yourself if that is true of your relationship with yourself too.

Gaining insight

Take a few minutes to jot down some insights about your relationships with others. Include your family members, spouse (or ex-spouses or partners), children, friends, co-workers, colleagues, and so on.

Write down the ways they usually relate to you, and then compare those actions and attitudes with the way you usually treat yourself.

I bet you’ll be surprised to see a lot of correlations there!

Change it!

Now, take a few minutes to think about how you’d LIKE to be treated. What would you like your relationships to be like? How would you like others to treat you?

And, the most important question: Are you willing to start treating yourself the same way?

Something truly amazing happens when you do this. Other people start seeing you in a different light, and treating you in accordance with how you treat yourself!

I know it probably sounds unbelievable to think that you can change how others relate to you just by changing the way you treat yourself, but it’s true!

ALL relationships in your life are a direct reflection of your relationship with yourself.

Now, what about the absence of relationships? What if you’re still waiting for Mr. or Ms. Right to come walking into your life? What does that mean?

Usually, it means you are not open to a healthy, intimate relationship (or possibly the timing isn’t quite right yet).

For starters, ask yourself if you really believe you deserve an intimate relationship with another. Is part of you frightened about trusting again? Are you afraid of getting your heart broken? Do you distrust your ability to tell a “good one” from a “bad one”?

You may just need to do a little further exploration before you’ll know for sure why you’re blocking an intimate relationship – but a reason does exist, I assure you.

Focus on having a kind and caring relationship with yourself and this will be reflected in your external world. Try it .

 If you are interested in attending a workshop or residential week or weekend course on Relationships, in the UK or in Spain please contact me.

          Be Happy

            Grace

www.gracechatting.com

www.thebarefoottherapist.co.uk

www.plymouth-counselling.co.uk

http://twitter.com/GraceChatting

written by Grace \\ tags: Grace Chatting;Law of Attraction;Relationships;Dating advice