Of the many clients I see each year about their love, marriage and relationship issues, I notice that some are suspicious and jealous, suspecting their partners of seeing someone behind their back.or being unfaithful, without any grounds other than their own feelings of insecurity.
Others are heartbroken because they found out that their partner had cheated on them, and they had thought it could never happen to them, therefore didn’t see it coming. I saw one lady in her 70s ( who quite reasonable considered herself safe and settled) whose same aged partner had left her for a woman in her 50s. I have also seen a number of couples who had affairs after they had celebrated their silver wedding anniversary.
Talk to each other
There is a middle road. You don’t have to be suspecting your partner of any misdemeanour to simply talk about the subject of infidelity as a preventive measure. There can be an agreement made that should temptation to stray ever come about that you would talk to each other about it. Many relationships are ruined by opportunistic flings that go wrong. Of course there are no guarantees here, but being open to discussion may just prompt a foolish impulse,
Vulnerabilities
Most couple relationships begin because of their proximity to each other, either in a work setting or in a group or any kind of regular meeting. For example in emergency services, such as police and ambulance, staff often spend a lot of time together in a twosome in their vehicles.
Because they often have more one to one time together than they do with their spouse of partner, they often find themselves exchanging intimate details about themselves, and without realising it or even intending it, they stray into emotional infidelity.
Similarly, when one of a couple needs to work away from home regularly, they will quite naturally and reasonably get to know a network of people unknown to their spouse. They may build up a whole social life and in effect have two separate lives. This an certainly present challenges to the couple relationship and safeguards need to be agreed.
Warning signs
Tell tale signs that thoughts of infidelity may be in the air are when your partner takes a sudden interest in their appearance, wearing different style clothes, and particularly spending extra money on new underwear or aftershave
New activities and different time keeping also can be a sign, as well as needing to pop out at odd times in spite of weather condition. Of course these things in themselves don’t mean an affair, but often you would have a gut feeling about it too. The best way of dealing with it is just to be honest about your observations without making any accusations.
Reasons For Affairs
Like I said, affairs are usually opportunistic, arising from regular proximity, but that in itself doesn’t lead to infidelity. In my experience, the majority of people who have affairs are generally faithful but perhaps have been feeling not valued of taken for granted by their spouse. When someone else is around whose relationship with them is building up, and that person clearly values them, this can tip the scales in favour of an affair starting. This is why it is a good idea to have regular connecting conversations with your spouse or partner. What is a connecting conversation? Watch out for my next Blog Post.
Have a great week,
Grace
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