By Grace Chatting

Here’s a couple of tools which my husband Alan and myself use, and which I suggest the couples that I coach might find useful. One created by the family therapist Virginia Satir is The Daily Temperature Reading, which only takes a quick 5-10 minutes a day, preferably in the morning. The DTR is an exchange in the following sequence;

- Appreciations (what you appreciate about the other)

- New Information (thoughts, views and opinions about anything you might not usually get around to talking about)

- Puzzles (anything you were just wondering about, but , you may not have any puzzles)

- Requests (“I’d like you to put your dirty clothes in the laundry basket”. This is instead of complaining about it)

- Wishes and Hopes (This is what you want to achieve in the day)

To round it off you might ask each other “How can I help to make your day how you would wish it to be?”

This daily exchange of appreciation (7 a week) really helps to keep a couple positively connected; the new information everyday means as a couple they don’t become boring or get stuck in communicating only on the level of logistics (what do you want for dinner?), and Requests made simply in this context are more likely to have a positive response.

Focus is on the exchange, not about having a discussion. It is a great way for couples (especially those with children and who work outside the home) to remain connected as a couple and not just as parents. In my view couples often find themselves tense and arguing with each other when they have disconnected emotionally.

Look out for the other useful tool, The Weekly Business Meeting in my next post.

Grace

grace@gracechatting.com

 

written by Grace \\ tags: Relationships;Marriage;Dating

By Grace Chatting

Amongst careers, children, aging parents, relationships, finances and who knows what else, women have a lot of things that can potentially cause great stress in their lives. Stress can cause our immune systems to become compromised, as well as depression, weight gain or loss, loss of sex drive, difficulty with concentrating and just plain crabbiness.

What can we do to help ourselves with all this stress? There are many ways to relax and de-stress every day. You can try things like meditation, visualization, a nice bath, writing in a journal, a good workout or some self-pampering.

The problem is that many women say they simply don’t have time for any of this. The simple answer to that is that if you don’t take time to take care of yourself, you’re going to be ineffective at best at taking care of anyone or anything else.

You really need to find time to allow yourself to de-stress. Here is a list of techniques and things you can do to reduce stress in your life: Notice on plane journeys the crew attendants tell us in case of an emergency, put on your own oxygen mask before attempting to help anyone else.

Here are some tips for dealing with day to day stress;

• Organize, simplify and delegate. Stop thinking you can, or you have to do everything, all at once and all by yourself. Find ways to better organize your life and your home. Use calendars and lists.
• Get rid of the clutter that you don’t use or need (be brutal), stop worrying about dusting the house every week – if it’s that important, have one of the kids do it or get a cleaner. Better yet, realize that the sun doesn’t rise and set depending on whether your coffee table is dust-free or not.
• Practice tried and true forms of relaxation. Meditation isn’t difficult to learn and it can do wonders for helping you reduce stress in your life. Even if you only meditate for 10 or 15 minutes a day, you can use a meditation CD to learn, or join a class.
• Another method used for deep relaxation is visualization or guided imagery. You can purchase CDs that guide you to a state of deep relaxation and back out again. For many women, these are very helpful. You could also find a therapist or coach who will show you how this works.
• Get some exercise! You can take up Qigong or Tai Chi which can be learned in class or by using an instructional DVD. Yoga is also wonderful for helping to reduce stress.

These forms of exercise have other benefits beside stress reduction. You can also reduce stress by doing a more traditional workout every day - or even every other day.

• Join a gym, or get a workout buddy. Walk or run for exercise or take a kickboxing class to really get rid of some pent up tension.

Other good ways to reduce stress include:-

• writing in a journal every day. Just let it all out. Allow yourself to go to the spa for a massage once in awhile and really enjoy the experience.
• Practice deep breathing and pay attention to your breathing all day long. If you notice yourself shallow breathing, stop and concentrate on taking some good, healthy, deep breaths.
• Take a warm bath and follow by cuddling up in your favourite pyjamas with a good book.

The pressure to perform is intense for women. We are mothers, partners, daughters, employees and employers. We serve on committees and help with the local volunteer group. Sometimes we get stressed out.

The need for time to relax and pay attention to our own bodies and minds is great, and we cannot ignore that need.

Make time for yourself NOW!

Stay happy

Grace

grace@gracechatting.com

written by Grace \\ tags: womens health;health and well being;stress;stress management;grace chatting