Grace Chatting

Everyone wants to have a healthy relationship with that perfect partner. When you have one, you’ll want to maintain it, but one of the mistakes people tend to make is that they forget about the “me” time in their relationship.

It’s not healthy to always be around your partner. You need to spend some “me” time so that you have more to give your partner. This is a common problem with couples – whether they’re still in that newlywed stage of romance or have been together for decades.

Some people spend so much time with their partner that they feel lost and alone when they’re left alone for any period of time. Here are some ways you can nurture yourself so that you’re able to give the best to your lover when it is time to be a couple:

1. Spend an evening reading that book you’ve been waiting to get your hands on. Quiet time at home enjoying a good book without any interruptions can energize you when you meet up with your partner again.

2. Watch a movie that you’ve wanted to see, but your partner wasn’t interested in seeing (like a good chick flick). Don’t deny yourself something you want to do just because your partner doesn’t want to do it.

3. Visit your family. Spending time with your family can help you keep a relationship strong. We often alienate our own family in favor of a new love interest.

4. Go out with your friends. Spending time with your friends allows you to let loose and be yourself without worrying how you’re coming across to the other person. If your partner exhibits jealousy to an extreme level, then you may want to reconsider whether it’s a healthy bond.

5. Play sports or do your favourite hobby. If you’re a golfer and your partner isn’t, there’s no reason you shouldn’t take a day and hit the links. Take in a friendly game with someone or just play a round by yourself. If you like to sew, spend a day doing that. Just because your partner finds it boring, doesn’t mean you can’t do it.

6. Enjoy a bubble bath or whirlpool. Pamper yourself with a bubble bath, hot tub, whirlpool or massage. Make yourself feel good and get energized for the next time you meet up with your partner.

7. Go shopping. You can go shopping and pick up something for yourself. If you choose, you can find something for your partner. Eat out if you want to and splurge on that “Great Wall of Chocolate” you’re always too embarrassed to have your partner see you eating. Spend a day and window shop or go antiquing.

A healthy relationship requires “me” as much as “we” time. Be sure to plan a healthy dose of both in your relationship. And when your partner begins to find his/her own me time, allow him/her the freedom to reconnect to his/her own soul, too.

Enjoy being with you.

Grace

gracechatting@hotmail.com

written by Grace \\ tags: relationship, Relationships

Has the Sex in Your Marriage Gone Stale?

Once upon a time, you could barely keep your hands off each other. Red lights didn’t last long enough to complete the soulful kiss. Just the anticipation of being together was mind-boggling.

But over time, getting together became just another item on the to-do list. Can you spice up a stale marriage? Of course you can if you’re both willing to turn up the heat. You’ve allowed too much of life’s issues to crowd out your enthusiasm for the relationship.

Work stress, commuting, finances, children or career disappointment can be the slippery step to pushing relationship to the back of the line of priorities. You have to agree to make time for one another.

That means private, uninterrupted time. To get back on track, you may have to take a long weekend away from home, phones and other distractions. Check in at a romantic bed and breakfast where there isn’t much else to do besides hang out together.

Or reserve the honeymoon suite at a hotel somewhere in the country and don’t open the door except for room service. Part of your relationship rut came from too many demands and too little alone time, so change that for the weekend.

Getting back in touch with each other in an “away from it all” environment lets you focus on being together. Consider scheduling a couples’ massage in a romantic location. The relaxation and comfort, not to mention those plush bathrobes, can give you new ideas after returning to your room. Or buy massage oil and give a massage to each other.

Before leaving your weekend getaway, go out for coffee and calmly discuss some of the routines that have deepened the relationship rut. You want to make sure to avoid repeating those when you return.

One biggie is a television or computer in the bedroom. Turn off the electronics if you want to turn on your partner. Once you get home, there’s a risk that you’ll get wrapped up in the busy routine whiles sex goes back to a “passing in the night” experience.

You have to agree to take time for each other. A regular weekly date night is important, even if you just go out to dinner. It’s part of reconnecting as a couple and feeling that your relationship deserves nurturing.

You may not be able to take vacations alone when you have children. But you can sneak away for a weekend periodically. Consider it marriage insurance - the best way to keep your relationship alive and strengthen your bond.

written by Grace \\ tags: , marriage, relationship, Sex in marriage

  It is quite normal for couples to sometimes feel that perhaps their relationship is in trouble. You may be feeling that your relationship is failing and you think both of you aren’t on the same wavelength anymore. You think the relationship is worth saving, perhaps you have a young family, but you don’t know how to bridge the gap between you both to rebuild the intimacy you desire.

If you have invested years and emotion into this relationship, it may be worth making the effort to get it to grow. There are some things you can do in order to heal the wounds and move forward together as a strong couple. Here are six tips to bridge the gap;

• Talk things out with each other. Always let the other person know what your feelings are, what you want out of life and things you would like to do. You have to remember that your partner can’t read your mind and will need you to tell them what you want. If they don’t know, how are they going to give you what you need in the relationship?
• Be open and honest. Don’t waste time and effort trying to play mind games with your partner. You can’t expect them to read between the lines and know that when you say, “I’m fine,” it really means you’re fuming inside. The longer you take to get the truth to the surface, the longer it will be until you’re in a truly happy relationship.

• Trust one another. Trust is what makes a relationship grow into a healthy one and allows intimacy to come into play. Without trust, a relationship will only continue on a destructive path and prevent true intimacy from becoming a part of your partnership.

• Spend some “we” time together as a couple without your family and friends tagging along with you. In order for a relationship to flourish, it needs you to spend a little time with each other - basically getting to know one another - and what your likes and dislikes are. When you feel you know your partner well enough, intimacy will come much easier when others aren’t trying to get in your way. And don’t think that just because you’ve known your partner for 15 years, then you still know what it is they like and don’t like – people change over time and so do their preferences.

• Go on a romantic trip together. Pick a spot that you can have some fun together while getting to know your partner a little more. A trip can help eliminate stress in a relationship and allows you to be more yourself with your partner. You can be more relaxed with him or her, which breaks down the walls and allows intimacy to come through. Also, couples who took vacations reported a happier marriage overall than those who hadn’t been on a trip together in the last six years.

• Be flexible with each other. You’ll need a little give and take in your relationship. If you expect your partner to go to a play with you when they’re not interested in the activity, then you should be willing to do something with them that you’re not interested in. Give and take is an excellent way to build intimacy in your relationship.

Building intimacy doesn’t have to be that hard to do. As long as both partners work to bridge the gap, they can build a loving relationship that could involve a healthy level of closeness and compatibility.

If you struggle with any of these issues, contact me gracechatting@hotmail.com

written by Grace \\ tags: intimacy, marital problems, relationship, Relationships

Many of the clients I see for Relationship Coaching have recently come out of long term relationships or a marriage which they went into when they were quite young. Separation and Divorce is not easy. People tend to feel completely at sea and like a teenager starting all over again. The dating world they knew has all changed, and they often don’t know how to be anymore. They don’t know the rules, and don’t know how to read the signs. How do you know when a “date” is just a “date”?

When a date moves from “just a date” to a relationship then there are a few stages that you move through emotionally during the first four weeks. These may take exactly a week, or they may take more or less depending on your past experience and how it affects the way you are approaching this one.

• Nerves: During the first week of a relationship you are likely to be nervous that the relationship will fade into the distance before it’s even got off the ground. This is especially the case when you really like your new date and are hoping that this is going to be a long-term, if not permanent, relationship. You need to be asking questions which let you sort out if they share your core values and meet your basic requirements. You may also be concentrating on what you do and hoping that you don’t do or say anything to make your date change their mind about keeping you in their life.

• Curious: Week 2 sees you a little more settled about where you stand with your date, and more interested in finding out more about them. During this time you’re likely to be doing some screening, delving more into their likes, dislikes, family, friends and even background. With the right questions you’ll soon know pretty much all there is to know about them that is important, and hopefully you’ll still want to be with them! Try to do it without it seeming like an interrogation and they’ll still want to be with you too! If they are right for you they will want to check you out too, so allow yourself to be known.

• Confidence: By week 3 you’re starting to get confidence in this relationship. There are still some days when you wonder if it will last, and you think back to other relationships you’ve had in the past, but mainly you’re starting to think that everything’s going great. You are more confident that your partner’s not going to just walk out on you if you have a different opinion to theirs, and you’re more convinced now that they’re not hiding something – like a husband or wife!

• Secure: At the end of the first month, you begin to feel secure. You can let your new partner off the leash secure in the knowledge that it’s you s/he wants to be with and even if s/he’s talking to someone else you know s/he’s coming back to you!

                You are now in a position to screen a bit more and decide if you really want to spend more time in this relationship.

If you have a pattern of broken relationships and you want to understand why that keeps happening, Relationship Coaching can help you to gain insights, get clear on the kind of person who is right for you, and also learn about the ways in which you may be unconsciously sabotaging your relationships.

To book a Coaching session email gracechatting@hotmail.com

written by Grace \\ tags: Divorce, Relationship Coach, relationship coaching, Relationships, separation