Grace Chatting

Relationships can be the most wonderful – or most painfull things that many of you will endure. This is particularly true when you haven’t fully recovered from your previous relationship. Some relationships are more difficult than others when it comes to recovery.

In any case starting a new relationship is never a good idea before you’ve managed to put at least some of the old hurt behind you. At the same time, you don’t want to lock yourself away from the world for months or years while you struggle to put the pieces of your heart and soul back into place.

One thing to look out for is that you aren’t setting yourself up for the typical rebound relationship. Rebound relationships are rarely healthy for either party and may leave you even more deeply wounded than before. Allowing sufficient time to pass before getting involved with another potential partner can lessen the risk of rebound fallout.

In order to move on, it is crucial to confront the past and recover from it rather than allowing it to continue controlling you. In most cases, this is much easier said than done, but it’s a pain that will clear the way for better relationships to come.

Time doesn’t heal all wounds (unfortunately neither does a box of Terrys All Gold) and there are times when it’s in your best interest to be proactive in your recovery rather than reactive to your pain.

The absolute best gift you can give yourself while recovering from a breakup and beginning a new relationship is to apply some of your time, strength, and energy into learning to love yourself again.

Discover the things you like about yourself and the world in general. Filling your life with good things will go much further for your recovery and the good of future relationships than dwelling on the failures and hurt of the past.

If you’re having trouble letting go, then you might consider Relationship Coaching or joining a support group. There’s no shame in this. Your self-esteem takes a hit when a relationship ends, particularly if it ends badly. There’s pain and doubt that weren’t there before, and sometimes it helps to be identify where you went wrong. Was it your choice of partner? Is this part of a pattern? What kind of person is the right type for you? A Coach can help you identify your core values so that you can choose a partner who is right for you next time, and also help you see yourself in a positive light and to see the world with optimism again.

If you do this, your future relationship will have a much greater opportunity to blossom and grow than if you jump in too quickly and never deal with the hurt and anger from your past.

If you find it difficult to move on Relationship Coaching can help. Contact me at gracechatting@hotmail.com

written by Grace \\ tags: breakup, new relationship, recovery, relationship, relationship fitness

Anyone who has been in a romantic relationship for years knows that it takes love, attention, and cooperation not only to make things last.

A relationship is a two-way street and both partners need to be in tune with each other for their love to make it down the road to success.

For many folk being selfish and greedy is easy, and being caring and giving is more difficult, but in the long run, it pays dividends. If you are in a relationship fraught with tension and stress, here are some tips that will help get you to turn it around:

1. Put your partner first:

If you truly love someone, you should always put their interests first. If they love you too, they’ll reciprocate and you’ll both be satisfied.

2. Express appreciation daily:

Nothing makes you feel better inside then being told that you are loved…. except when you routinely feel valued and appreciated by your loved one:)

3. Show them you love them:

Just saying that you love someone isn’t enough. Show them how much you love them by listening to them, being compassionate, caring and giving, and letting them know how special they are.

4. Remind them how much you love them:

Sometimes life gets crazy hectic and busy, but taking the time to remind your loved one just how much they mean to you, and how much you love them, can go along way.

5. Show them how much you love them, again:

Showing love is more than just showing up on Valentine’s Day with a dozen roses and a box of generic chocolates. Its being there in times of need, taking an interest in their hopes and dreams.

6. Say you’re sorry:

Not completely impossible, but tough none-the-less. Just ignore the fragile ego and say it. Even if you don’t necessarily believe it, say it, you’ll make your partner so happy.

7. Admit when you are wrong:

No one likes admitting that they are wrong. That’s why when you say it, the other person appreciates, because they know how hard it was for you to admit it.

8. Don’t give up:

When problems do arise, look deep inside yourself to find solutions to your relationship problems. If you truly love the person, the answers will come.

9. Don’t avoid:

If there is a problem, don’t avoid it, or avoid your partner, that will only make things worse, and widen the river of discontent.

      10. Raise your own standards:

You have the power to create the love of a lifetime. The place to start is with you raising your own standards. You’ll find that your partner will respond as you call out the best in them.

For coaching on any aspect of Relationships, contact me gracechatting@hotmail.com

Good luck

Grace

http://www.anamcaracentre.com

written by Grace \\ tags: , Happiness, lasting love, relationship

Those of you who are familiar with the work of Anthony Robbins and Chloe Mandanes will be aware of the importance of meeting the following Six Human Needs mainly within your love relationship, in order for the relationship to thrive.

·       Certainty
·       Variety
·       Love & Connection
·       Significance
·       Growth
·       Contribution

When relationships are healthy and working well all the above needs are met mainly within the couple relationship. If they are not met within the relationship then people will often look outside the relationship e.g. work, family, friends or an affair.

·        Check out on a scale of 0-10 how your partner meets your needs.
·        Check out on a scale of 0-10 how you think you meet your partner’s needs.
·        Ask your partner to do these checks
·        Compare results
·        Identify lowest scores and ask your partner how you can increase your scores
·        It is best to focus on how you can raise scores rather than on why they fall short of 10

Scores less than 6 definitely need attention, room mates often have scores as high as that. Aim for at least a 9.Set aside time to discuss your scores fully. Consider how much priority you give to you car MOT, surely your relationship is at least as important!

It is a good idea for couples to do this exercise every 6 months or at the very least, annually.

written by Grace \\ tags: Anthony Robbins, Chloe Mandanes, fulfillment, Human needs, relationship

For many years I worked as a Family Mediator with couples in dispute and also engaged in “Couple Counselling” with couples whose relationships were in difficulty. Of course by the time they got to me, most of them were almost ready for the Divorce Courts. I felt strongly that all couples could improve their relationship with professional help, and owed it to themselves to do what they could to avoid divorce.

The levels of tension which accompanied these couples multiplied when we would try to arrange our weekly appointments. Sorting out a time which suited both parties, me and often a babysitter, could become tricky, and often weeks would pass between sessions. Just trying to get to the sessions was an added stressor.

Although I was extremely committed to the work, I didn’t enjoy it, and neither did the clients. Sessions were an hour long, but it would take at least 10 minutes to settle them down to a state of receptivity, and then we would need to wind up 10 minutes before the end of the hour, so that they would not unravel all the good work by having a row. This just did not seem like a good use of time to me, and I seriously considered not working with this client group.

Everything changed when I began working at Anam Cara Coaching Retreat in Spain. A big percentage of our clients were successful in most areas of life except in their relationships. The residential coaching weeks allowed plenty of time to work with people in depth while they were relaxed and allowed significant relationship changes.

I decided to use this Coaching approach back in the UK. Instead of couples having 4 or 6 weekly sessions, I now see them for blocks of 4 or 6 hours at a time. There is no extra expense, but actually better value for money. It means they have time to relax and really make good use of the time. I enjoy the work, and so do they when they see the changes that begin to happen right there in the session.

They have a safe space and time to:

• Learn and practice new communication and listening skills
• Discover how to recognise and meet each others relationship needs
• Finish up understanding each others point of view
• Acquire tools to help with managing their day to day interactions more harmoniously

Relationship Intensives:

• Can turn a relationship around in a day!
• are for individual Couples who wish to pull their relationship back from the edge, or Revitalise their relationship.
• last 4 or 6 hours by arrangement, and focus on how to optimise the relationship as opposed to focusing on problems.
• can be held at the couples own home.
• Usually they are on Saturday to avoid clashing with work commitments.
• Couples learn how to address challenging areas of their relationship in positive intimacy enhancing and interesting ways.
• are reported to be a really enjoyable experience.

Relationship Intensives save having to have weekly sessions and are particularly helpful for those needing to arrange child care.

For any further details email me  gracechatting@hotmail.com or call me 07816491165

written by Grace \\ tags: , anam cara centre, Coaching, couple counselling, intensives, relationship

                                                                                                                      This is The Anam Cara Coaching Centre, set in the fabulous Andalucian countryside.

It was a dream of mine to have a Centre where people who needed to take stock of their lives could retreat to a place of tranquility; where they could completely de-stress, with fabulous views, great food, and a customised mix of therapy and coaching.

Anam Cara is Gaelic for “Soul Friend”, someone who accompanies you on part of your life’s journey

Check out the web site:

http://www.anamcaracentre.com

written by Grace \\ tags: Coaching, residential courses, therapy