Grace Chatting

A review of the literature suggests that the term “sperm bandits” refers to women, aged from around 35 to 40, who are usually single, attractive professional women, who have not found a man with whom to have a child.

Such women apparently, will actively choose to have a child without the knowledge or consent of the father involved, usually by means of one night stands or brief relationships. She chooses her man carefully, in terms of good looks, attractiveness and health, then when the time is right, she will seduce him and utilise his sperm. Even if a condom is used, some women have been known to artificially inseminate themselves with sperm from a disused condom.

It now seems that the hitherto reproductive oppression of women by men may be changing.

A number of recent court cases in America and in the UK have drawn attention to this issue whereby men find themselves caught up, on the basis of genetic parentage, in a financial liability which they cannot sustain and would not have chosen. Under the Child Support Act 1991, such men will automatically be liable to make financial provision.

In these cases, it is usual for men, in an attempt to avoid 18 years liability for child support, to sue for breach of contract, insofar as they claim to have been led to believe that the woman was using the contraceptive Pill. However, if genetic parentage is shown, the courts are loathe to place responsibility for child support for illegitimate children onto the taxpayers irrespective of the circumstances of conception. The view taken is that men should either use contraception or ensure that their partner does, otherwise they have to pay for the consequences.

The argument continues that where fraud is established, if the woman is in a financial position to care for the child herself, then she should do so.

Even some feminists take the view that perhaps feminism has gone too far. Germaine Greer’s book “The Whole Woman” (2000) and other writers set out to take on these themes of male disempowerment, and of a growing number of women who deliberately set out to “steal” sperm.

Contextualising the debate as part of the historic battle of the sexes whereby women have now gained an unfair advantage is misleading.

It is reasonable to assume that these issues would not have reached the media but for the more recent enforcement of liability by the Child Support Agency.

It helps to remember that in the main the world is full of decent men and women, and it always pays to take time to get to know each other before hopping into bed!

Best wishes

Grace

www.anamcaracentre.com

written by Grace \\ tags: artificial insemination, Dating, Relationships, reproduction, sperm bandits

  How do you get over the shock of your partner having an affair, the disbelief, devastation, lies and deceit? Some people never manage to recover, but some do, and in fact even manage to carry on in their relationship or marriage.

I see many people who grapple with this most painful situation. The outcome is often influenced by a number of factors.

• Is this the first time it has happened in this relationship, or historically with another partner?
• What has been the quality of the relationship generally?
• Is this just the last straw?
• Was the affair based only on sex or was there also emotional infidelity?
• What influence is there from friends and family regarding reconciliation?
• Are you mentally and emotionally robust and resilient?
• Do you fundamentally want the relationship?

It takes a long time to come to terms with infidelity, and often the impulse is to think about ending the relationship. However it is useful to be aware of the contribution each of these factors can make regarding how you feel.

Here are a few suggestions for your survival plan;

Decide not to Decide There is no rush. You do not have to make any decision right now, and chances are if you make rash decisions they will probably not be wise ones. Take your time. It takes a while just to get your head around the situation.

Take A Break It helps, if possible to grab your best friend and get away for a while from all the usual day to day demands and people, even if it is only overnight. This helps to deal with the shock.

Eat Many people lose their appetite and feel unable to eat, however it is important not to resort to cigarettes and coffee. Make a point of keeping a supply of fruit, nuts and seeds to graze on, and drink lots of water.

Vitamin B Complex This is the stress or mind vitamin and is particularly helpful for coping with the stress and difficulty in concentration.

Prioritise Life goes on, and even if you don’t feel like working, eating or socialising, other people do. It helps if you decide to conserve your energy for only what is really important, for example your children. Don’t worry too much about keeping up with household chores.

Ask For Help If you had a death in the family you wouldn’t mind accepting help. Your partner’s affair will mean the death nell of your relationship as you knew it. This is like a bereavement and is extremely sad. Ask for and accept help from close friends and family.

See A Counsellor  Find an experienced and accredited Counsellor or Relationship Coach. It really does help to be able to discharge all your hurt and angry feelings, then you can explore all your options and the best way forward for your life and healing.

Best Wishes

Grace

written by Grace \\ tags: Affair, cheating, emotional infidelity, infidelity, unfaithfulness

Once you’ve completed the clearing process and called in more harmonious energy, you should definitely notice a difference in your home’s atmosphere! Each room should now feel very light, calm and peaceful. Your family members or roommates will likely notice the difference too! If you do this when they are out, watch their reactions when they come home. They will probably comment on how nice the place looks and feels (and smells!).

Even more amusing, you’ll probably notice a difference in how your pets act, if you have any. They may seem more energetic and race around gleefully, or they may lie down with a sigh of contentment and take a nap. Animals are usually pretty sensitive to energy, so don’t be surprised if they exhibit obvious reactions to your clearing activities.

In order to keep these good vibrations flowing through your home, you may want to invest in a few visual cues that will keep your feelings of inner peace and tranquility strong. Consider buying a bouquet of flowers and a pretty vase to place at the entrance of your home, or some soothing and uplifting artwork to hang in a place of prominence. Brightly coloured pillows and fabrics can also serve as mood enhancers, as well as continuing to use scented candles and incense.

Keep playing soothing music as often as possible, and also spend more time doing things that bring you joy and happiness. If you keep putting out positive energy into your home, you will create a better balance to compensate for those times when negativity seeps in.

You can also rearrange your furniture to allow for better energy flow. (There is a whole science to this called “Feng Shui” – get a book about it if you want to study more about the ways placement and space affect us.)

The key in all of these activities is to keep a continual focus on harmony and happiness in your home. As with anything else in life, the more focus and attention you give to something, the bigger and more pervasive it grows!

For best results, you will want to do this entire clearing process no less than every 3 months. Every month is even better, but it depends on the activities that take place in your home. In places where there is a lot of arguing or conflict, clearing will need to be done more frequently (as well as giving some focus to resolving the source of the conflict!). If your home is typically pretty peaceful anyway, you may not need to clear it as often.

In addition to clearing your home of negativity, you can do this same process on yourself! If you are constantly besieged by fear and anxiety, procrastination, or pervasive lethargy, you can do an energy clearing in much the same way as described for your home. Simply direct your intent to neutralizing negative or harmful thoughts and emotions, and call in more empowering and uplifting qualities to replace them.

Love and Light

Grace

www.anamcaracentre.com

www.plymouth-counselling.co.uk

written by Grace \\ tags: balance, de-clutter, energy, feng shui, harmony, positive energy

  By now your home should be feeling much lighter and calmer. You have put your physical space into order and neutralized any negative energy that was lurking around your home. Now it’s time to call in more harmonious energy to replace it! There are several ways to do this.

One of the most common techniques is to light white candles and incense in every room, as well as the entrances of your home. You can use scented or unscented candles, and they don’t have to be white. Consider using pink to inspire feelings of love, lavender or violet for deeper spirituality, light blue (or white) for peace, or any bright colour for joy and happiness.

Before you light the candles, you can also say a prayer or verbal intention over them. Simply hold them in your hands and state aloud what qualities you wish the candles to impart to your home. Try something like this: “As I light these candles, I call in greater harmony and happiness for myself and my family. Let the flames of these candles stand as a symbol for the spiritual and emotional peace that will infuse my home and all who enter here.” Then place the candles in each room and light them. If you can, let them burn for as long as possible before you extinguish them.

Do the same thing with any incense you use. The scent doesn’t matter except that it smells good to you. Use the same clearing incense, or choose something that smells yummy like vanilla, cedar, strawberry, or gardenia.

Music is another great way to get some positive vibes flowing through your home! You can play soothing music during or after you do the clearing process (or both). Choose the music that seems to embody the quality or essence you want to infuse into your home. You could try classical for mental stimulation, opera for high emotion, Native American flute music for deeper spirituality, or even some “golden oldies” to lift your spirits. Take a trip to your local music store and listen to some samples of various types of music, and choose something that resonates with you.

Visualization can also be a great help in filling your home with more positive energy. While you’ve got your candles and incense lit, you may want to spend 20 or 30 minutes sitting quietly, imagining beautiful light filling every area of your home. Make this light any colour you wish, and see it flowing effortlessly through all areas of your home, dissolving any last bits of negative energy. Imagine that you can feel it soaking into the structure of your home as well as everyone who lives there, filling all with a sense of peace and tranquility.

As you visualize, allow your emotions to flow strongly! Call up deep feelings of love, joy, peace, and inspiration within your heart centre. Imagine these feelings are giving off powerful vibrations of their own, flowing out into all areas of your home and filling it with those feelings. Imagine the emotional vibrations have form and substance so that anyone who enters your home will instantly feel them.

Enjoy!

Grace

www.anamcaracentre.com

www.plymouth-counselling.co.uk

written by Grace \\ tags: balance, de-clutter, energy, feng shui, positive energy, Spring clean

I have the good fortune to meet with a group of lively minded therapists, healers and individuals every month at Sharpham, near Totnes in Devon. Because we are closely involved with people and their personal healing and development, I recently gave a talk about clearing negative psychic energies, which we may inadvertently pick up. We, or visitors, can also carry negative energies into our homes, so it is important to cleanse your home psychically as well as physically.

Once your home is as clean and orderly as you can make it on a physical level, you want to follow up by neutralizing any stray or stagnant energy that may be lurking in corners or hanging in the atmosphere. Imagine negativity as heavy, dense energy that looks like dirty gray sludge. It coats all of your furniture, walls, possessions, and even moves through the air. It sticks to you as you walk through it, dragging you down and influencing your emotional state.

There are several ways to neutralize negative energy, but here are just a few:

1) Use a bit of sea salt dissolved in warm water. Dip your fingers into the salt water solution and sprinkle and fling it everywhere in your home. Focus especially on the corners and crevices in your home, places where energy can linger and grow stagnant. Also focus strongly on the entrances to your home, and any rooms in which there has been illness or emotional distress. Keep going until you have covered all the areas of your home, including the attic, basement, garage, closets and even your yard or your entire property. (By the way, you can do this process in your vehicle too!)

2) “Smudge” out the negativity. If you don’t want to use a sea salt solution (or you don’t have easy access to sea salt), you could purchase a small bundle of dried sage leaves (also known as a “sage stick” or “smudge stick”). Sage is revered as a sacred herb in many spiritual traditions, and is well-known for its clearing qualities. The dried sage leaves are bundled tightly and tied together to form a short, fat stick. You light the end of it and blow out the flame so the leaves smolder and give off smoke. Then walk through your home, waving this smoke into all the corners and areas you want to clear of negative energy. (Be careful and watch for sparks that may drop off the leaves!)

3) Use “clearing” incense. If neither of those options will work for you, you can simply use a stick or cone of incense that is made from a clearing herb, like sage, frankincense, myrrh, sandalwood, or even lavender. Follow the same process as with the smudge stick, waving the incense smoke into all areas of your home.

While you are engaged in the clearing procedure, you can also use verbal intentions to cement your desire to neutralize negativity. Try repeating a phrase like this: “I hereby neutralize all negative energy in my home. I call an end to all physical, emotional and spiritual turmoil, and I invite the essence of peace, harmony, and tranquility to bless my home and everyone within it.”

Blessings

Grace

www.anamcaracentre.com

www.plymouth-counselling.co.uk

written by Grace \\ tags: cleansing, energy, feng shui, home environment, negativity, positivity, psychic energies, psychic protection